Vandaag een gedicht van een jonge vrouw: Megan Falley. Ik stootte in mijn zoektocht naar een nieuwe tekst op haar werk. Het is opnieuw geen opbeurend gedicht, maar wel heel rauw en eerlijk. Het kwam bij mij hard binnen, dus leek het me gepast om het met jullie te delen.
The Honest House
In an effort not to crawl back to you, I crossed the 2 train off my subway map in blue ink, called it a river, sold my canoe.
Swept the soot from the chimney into a vase, scattered it all over Manhattan. Husband, I pretended it was your ash.
Spoke your name in past tense and still, when we found ourselves in the same bar, phoned a mystic. Told her I was seeing ghosts.
When you confessed your mistress, her red hair, her scars, how you learned them from up-close, from inside out, you were no longer the man I married but a dead deer in the center of our swimming pool.
Our dog has always considered you a burglar. Knew to spit, bark, bite before I did. Once while you were sleeping, I stitched her electric fence through your skin. I wear her shock collar on nights I go out drinking, on days I can’t find a reason to stay away even though you have left so many behind.
I’ve watched you with other women. The way you hand fruit to supermarket clerks, how your eyebrows lift at anyone with fake nails. Your favorite party story is how you once, publicly, pleasured a girl with your band mate’s drumstick. It’s no wonder we don’t love the same music.
On our first date, I bought a dress off a woman in Brooklyn so I could stay with you one more day. Last week I threw your clothes from our roof knowing they would have fallen faster had there been a body in them.
When I found a picture of your ex-lovers tits, used as a bookmark, I began opening every novel upside down like a teenager shaking birthday cards waiting for cash to fall out. This explains my love for fiction. We were never married. The dog is not ours.
While washing the dishes I watch from the window as the children we never had drown in the piss-filled pool. I’ve never tried to save them. I invented that pool, this sink.
Foto door Bridget Badore.